Washed and Waiting
Wesley Hill’s book, Washed and Waiting, is a presentation of a young man’s struggles with homosexuality, Christianity, and the way those two lifestyles do and do not coalesce. Hill’s account walks readers through much of his own personal experience, while also referencing the lives of two prominent writers who themselves dealt with same-sex attraction—Henri Nouwen and Gerard Manley Hopkins. The book is told as a firsthand account that brings in a combination of personal stories and experiences alongside theological analysis and arguments. Hill walks us through Scripture, yes. He brings in outside resources and prominent Christian leaders and thinkers, yes. But first and foremost, he bears his own soul, and in doing so, he encourages readers to join him in the murky and uncertain struggling, thinking, writing, arguing, doubting, praying, and discerning.
Hill argues for a life of celibacy for homosexual Christians. Though, the term argue is at once too harsh and fails to acknowledge the nuance with which Hill writes. Indeed, his position in the matter is made clear from the foreword, which states, “Since his highest love is the triune God, he understands his unique vocation (as a gay Christian) to be celibate.”[1] Therefore, in reading this book, one can understand that Hill is arguing from a life of celibacy as opposed to toward one. The book is written in more of a narrative form that invites readers to participate alongside the story, as opposed to an argument that challenges the logic and rational of leaders.
This is a highly effective method of writing. Though Hill’s writing contains a myriad of Scripture references, it in no way attempts to drown readers in proof texts for why homosexuals should commit to celibacy. He doesn’t exactly argue anything. Instead, he just tells his experience, his side of the story. And in doing so, it’s hard to point out how, let alone if, any of his conclusions are right or wrong. And while that may sound like a critique, it’s not. Because in response to the topic of homosexuality, so much of Christian writing is intent on defining what is “right” and what is “wrong.” That’s not the goal of this book. Again, as Eve Tushnet tells us in the foreword, that “Far from being a ‘final answer,’ it (the book) has value precisely because it is a first attempt.”[2] And for a first attempt, it does quite well.
It succeeds not because of the merits of any argument, but because of the compassion and empathy it elicits. Hill describes the impetus for his writing by saying, “I have never found a book I could resonate with that tries to put into words some of the confusion and sorrow and triumph and grief and joy of the struggle to live faithfully before God, in Christ, with others, as a gay person.”[3] He is writing in the middle of the process. Compare this to a race. Why would we expect the athletes still running to accurately describe the sensation of crossing the finish line? Strangely, this is exactly the type of expectation modern Christianity places firmly on the shoulder of those processing homosexual desires.
Hill does away with that burden by making it clear that he has not finished this race, that the process of living and learning is still ongoing. And readers benefit for it. Yet, at the same time, this writing is not without form. Rather than being a meandering memoir, Washed and Waiting is an intentional construction of what it means to process homosexuality through personal experience, theology analysis, and artistic expression. And in each of these three categories, Hill invites readers closer and closer into his struggle and its similarities to the struggles of every Christian, regardless of sexual orientation.
Favorite Quote
It’s about warm affirmation. It’s about battling together for holiness, in repentance and faith, on a daily basis. It’s about the church being the church, as we all struggle toward wholeness.