Things Guys Say

As a guy, I sometimes find girls hard to understand. And by sometimes I mean most of the time. And by most of the time I mean all of the time. It’s as if guys and girls speak two different dialects. We may both be speaking English, but while you’re saying one thing that means something else, I’m saying the same thing that means something different than what you mean. You know what I’m saying? The point is guys and girls often misunderstand each other, so let me offer an attempt to mediate between the language barrier that has so often led to misfortune in cross-gender communication.  What follows are common phrases, idioms and actions that are defined in a way that is hopefully easier to interpret and understand.

First let’s breakdown the meals:

“Let’s get breakfast sometime.” – This says, “Hey, I’m willing to get up earlier than normal for you and eat a meal that I rarely eat on my own. I’m not exactly prepared to take you to dinner, but I want to spend some intentional 1 on 1 time with you. Also, I want to see how you order your eggs because that says a lot about a woman’s moral fiber.”

“Do you want to get lunch?” – This is a guy’s go to safe play. Lunch means there is no commitment necessary, and it’s easy to do with anyone. In other words, lunch is the friend zone of meals.

“Will you get dinner with me?” – This is a date. A casual dinner is very rare, and odds are the guy is interested in making something happen. However, it is very important to pay attention to how the bill is handled. If he pays, it’s a date. If you split the check, he might be hesitant about looking too interested. If you pay, he’s a dirtbag.

“Let’s go to Sonic “- He’d like to spend some one on one time with you but he’s really nervous, so he’s taking you to Sonic. That way if things take a turn for the worse he can get out of there quickly. Sonic is a classic bail out date.

“Do you wanna play golf with me?” – This says, “I’m desperate for a long term relationship, and if you’re willing to spend 3-4 hours with me playing a game that you probably don’t enjoy then you’re good enough.”

“You look nice” – He’s trying to come across as a good guy

“You look really nice” – You actually look nice

“You look very nice” – Sarcastic…don’t believe him

“I’ll call you” – He’ll text you

Upon your suggestion of an activity…”Yeah I guess we could do that” – He’d much rather do anything else

*side hug* – You’re cute, but I’m interested in someone else right now and I don’t want that person to see me front hugging you

*front hug* – 85% chance I want to ask you to dinner (see meals for further breakdown)

“You should come to my game tomorrow” – He REALLY wants to show off in front of you

“If you can make it to my game, that’d be pretty cool” – He’s not good at that sport. At all.

“Do you want to study together?” – He’s never studied for that class before and he just wants to hang out and flirt for a little while.

“I like your hair today” – In his mind he’s thinking crap I can tell something is different about her today. She might have gotten a haircut but I’m not sure or is it a new outfit? I don’t even know what an outfit is, so how could I answer that? I should probably just do a generic compliment and hope that she tells me if something is new and if not I’ll just look like a charmer. Yeah I am a charmer. Any girl would be lucky to have me…OK maybe that last little bit is just me trying to pump up my self esteem…

That’s all that I have for now. Feel free to comment any others or any disagreements you have with what I’ve already written. *DISCLAIMER: these are all hasty generalizations, which is an obvious logical fallacy. Therefore, I want it to be clear that I am in no way supporting any of this logically. Thanks*