Things Girls Say

I’d like to first start off by saying that I am a guy. As a guy, I am often confused. I’m not saying girls don’t get confused, but I can pretty much guarantee that they don’t get confused as often as guys do. This probably isn’t new information to anyone. I’m sure that all the guys reading this are either agreeing with me or lying to themselves. However, in our defense, the reason we as men are so often confused is because of girls. It’s really not fair. Guys are simple creatures that usually say what they mean and mean what they say. Girls on the other hand use an encrypted form of language that guys just can’t always get a hold of. Here are some examples of what I’m talking about…

“I’ll be ready in five minutes” – This statement has been a bold faced lie every single time I’ve heard it. I know you’re gonna be ready in 20 minutes. You know you’re gonna be ready in 20 minutes. Let’s stop lying to each other and to ourselves.

“Let’s split a dessert” – I would love to split dessert. Oh wait you’re gonna eat all of it? OK that’s fine I didn’t want any anyway, but yeah I’ll definitely split the check with you.

“Are you making fun of me?” – If you have to ask this question then the answer is probably yes. And if you’re a girl and you hate being made fun of, don’t take it personally. Most guys only make fun of the people they like, so really it’s a compliment. (Did I do a good enough job of justifying myself there?)

A conversation about where to eat:
girl- “I don’t care where we go I’m not even that hungry”
guy- “let’s go to Wendy's”
girl – “Oh no gross anywhere but there!”
guy – “OK…how about some pizza?”
girl – “that sounds horrible”
guy- “where do you want to eat?”
girl- “I don’t care”
This is not complicated. Just say what you want. Seriously.

“No don’t post that picture my hair looks awful!” *takes exact same picture* “Oh yeah that’s a lot better” – This baffles me. You look beautiful in both pictures sweetheart just post it. No guy is going to look at your picture and show it to his friends and go, “wow can you see her split ends? I can’t believe she would post this.” That doesn’t happen.

“Will you help me study?” – I don’t really get this because girls usually make better grades than me. Sometimes, I just think that I’m there so that when they realize how little I actually know it makes them feel better about themselves (and probably for eye candy if we’re being honest). However, I’m not mad about it because usually I am the one who benefits from the studying arrangement.

Pinterest. – I know that’s not a quote, but I just do not get the appeal for this at all.

“I really need to get my nails done.” – I totally respect that girls want to look pretty and everything, but I don’t really see why this has to go all the way down to your nails. Particularly your toenails. I could maybe get my head around painting fingernails since people see them, but what’s the point of painting your toes?

“Life would be so much easier if I was a guy” – That one’s true. Sorry.

These are just a couple of examples of a very long list of ways that girls confuse me. Again, I’m a pretty slow learner, so take this with a grain of salt. Also, for those of you who have taken offense to something I wrote and are already preparing an argument to present to me, just remember A.) It’s not personal. I’m just being honest B.) I’m an idiot C.) Be careful what you say because I might put it in my next post at which point it might be personal. *DISCLAIMER: these are all hasty generalizations, which is a fallacy. I am in no way supporting any of this logically.